Depression, Motherhood

A Pinup’s Tangled Emotions

Ecstatic, Scared, Anxious, Overwhelmed

Emotions completely flood through my system, each one a surge of adrenaline and a shock to my system. Something that I have been hoping, praying…begging for is finally happening.

My son is coming home.

After seven years of torment and pain, I will finally get a chance to raise my son.


Such a life changing event is sure to impact me in so many ways, and in even more ways it already has. I find myself wondering so much how he will act, how we will all fit in together as a family, and even how his father will handle the separation. These things have kept me up most nights since we received the news.


And yet, I also feel a deep sense of joy. I birthed this little boy when I was still very much a child myself. He was my first little baby…my blue eyed giggly little monster. Often, our separation has caused many of my bleak depressive episodes in the past, so to have him sleeping under my roof…I cannot even begin to describe how insanely happy I feel about that.


With so many life changes coming up, I do feel a tad overwhelmed. In just three months we will have added a new (older) addition (which will have its own sets of challenges as I have NEVER done the first day of school shenanigans!), we will have packed up our house here in Germany, and then we will have begun the journey to find a new place to call home in Florida.


I have been told to watch how I land when jumping, and honestly I feel like the events coming up will be one huge leap of faith. I just need to make sure I land on my feet firmly.

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